Cutters/ Cutter/ Self-Harm Awareness ~ ~

  • ♣♠♣ CUTTER/ CUTTING/ SELF-HARM AWARENESS ♣♠♣ •


Being a ‘Cutter’ since the age of 12, I can tell anyone that I never heard from anyone on how to cut myself or saw anyone doing it, I didn’t even know I started cutting at the age of 12 until my mom had told me. I was under the impression that I started when my parents put me into a mental hospital at the age of 15 for being molested for many years by my father. Long story but I missed my mom and my brother and my mom didn’t stand by me like I thought she would have and I took it back and went home. Well, my father did it again and my story to the police and the military and the courts were that I was crazy. So, I ended up getting locked away by my father the molester and my mother for all these crazy innuendos which weren’t true at all.. I was there ‘FOR TELLING THE TRUTH!’ At 21 I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder, Severe Anxiety, PTSD and I was severely manic depressive among many other diagnosis. All the trauma that I had went through from being a young innocent child, carried a heavy burden with me bc I thought I could forget and little did I know that the abuse would affect everything I would do in life and life would always be affected by the horrible abuse I endured since I was 5yo or maybe even younger. My mom was married 3 times and that was 3 fathers who were all very disturbed and abusive, 2 of them molested me and 1 of those 2, my 3rd father ended up adopting me and molested me since 10yo, when he adopted me. My life has been quite a struggle and a lot of therapy. I went through all things that cutters go through but I didn’t know there was a term or that it was being done by others. I did everything I could do to try and hide my cuts, my scars, my pain. I would cut on my wrists mostly bc there was nothing like the feeling of cutting my wrists when I was in such a helpless state of mind. I didn’t care if it was summer and 110 degrees outside, I would wear long sleeves all summer and constantly worrying about the sight of my cuts being seen by anyone. It was a huge paranoia for me and it made me very self conscious bc there would be times I would be in my manic state of mind and put a strapless shirt on or a pretty dress or anything short sleeved and I felt ok about it when I would be getting dressed. Then I would be out somewhere and the light would hit my arm and I would think, ‘OMG, Can everyone see what I’m seeing!!?’ Finally one day I cut and I went too far, I went through my tendons and my muscle in my arm and ended up with over 40 stitches in my arm and through my muscle and wound up in the psych ward. I didnt stay long bc they saw that I was a cutter with all the scars on my wrists and believed me when I told them I just cut too deep and it was not at all my intentions on killing myself. I went into therapy and joined some websites online and that's when I was shocked at the number of people I met who were cutters and had similar situations. I had numerous people ask me how I cut so deep, what did i use etc… I didn’t know why they would ask when they were cutters themselves but I had one girl who said it was her dream to cut through her muscle but she could not ever do it and it was just heartbreaking to hear the painful stories that led these people to want to mutilate themselves so bad that they would ask others. I was always ashamed and would cut on my thighs, my neck, my breasts and places nobody would see but i always went back to my arm. It goes to show that this is really a serious illness that is only growing bigger and out of control.
I started my facebook cause to raise awareness and I will continue to raise awareness for this illness that is taking innocent lives of children, kids, women and men who just wanted to ‘FEEL’ ..I have a history of a story and so little of a page to tell my story here.. God Bless You All and I still struggle with cutting today at 34yo but it’s been several months and 3yrs was a long time to not cut for me but sadly... I relapsed. However I am back on that road again and my main objective is raising awareness and advocating for young teens and youth kids and the young adults who still feel cutting is their only way to cope at times because we've done it since such an early age.. Hugs to you all xx, Kristalee